On the condom machine
in the pub toilet,
"For refund insert baby"
while around the bar,
the skangers
getting langers
are holding up the walls
along with the knackers and the chavs
and the local head-the-balls.
O dear sweet Bally Aha Clee
funny, edgy, chancy, iffy,
ye've always been the place for me
astride the green and filthy Liffey
"Send them f**kin Spaniards
straight back home to Italy"
(graffiti on the 77A to Tallaght)
"Use your brian, vote Sinn Fein"
while Jacinta, all alone,
screeches down her mobile phone,
and the bus explodes in laughter,
"Anto's a bleedin' luvly roide,
and didn't he pull up me knickers after!"
There's an oul' wan at the stop
who goes and asks the driver,
"How long will the next bus be?"
so he looks at her and he says
"Ah, missus, about 15 or twenty feet,
same as this, but who can tell",
and she asks, not missing a beat,
"And will there be another monkey
driving that as well?"
O dear sweet Bally Aha Clee
funny, edgy, chancy, iffy,
ye've always been the place for me
astride the green and filthy Liffey
"Excuse me, sir", says the tourist,
"do you know what side of the Liffey this is?"
"Eh?" says the Dub, with a puzzled look,
"I do, of course", and goes back to his book;
so when the mother was belting the arse off her brat
and the tourists behind expressed their views,
"In Chermany we do not beat our children!"
the mammy replied like a ball off a bat
"Well, in Ireland we don't gas our Jews".
