Aunt Jane
sipping tea in the garden
lifted her voluminous skirts
hoops and all, to avoid
a licentious beetle.
That moment
for the very first time
the sheer joy of sex
hoops and all, entered
my innocent mind.
Herodotus
demanded my attention.
Under dry and careful masters
clocks ticked, I prepared
to enter Balliol.
My gown
was a source of delight,
my rooms in a village of stone.
War came, I enlisted,
went to France.
The trenches
a sharp and ghastly smell
of blood and shit and cabbage
unnerved me, I decided
to become a hero.
Leftenant --
Sah! I sprang to attention.
You will take a little walk this evening:
Yellow-fanged, my drunken
commanding officer.
The Huns
will never expect you dear boy
if you follow this line on the map:
sheer suicide, the idiot
was drunk and rambling.
Right lads
I said to the sullen soldiery
fix bayonets and follow the tapes
piece of cake, simply
do what you're told.
Steel helmet
useless revolver at my side
an unexpected stiffness in my groin
Aunt Jane, the hoops,
God will I die a virgin
